Kayleigh Willis
THE WINNERS PT 4: 1st Prize - 'I Don't Think About Them' by Lauren Oertel
First prize was awarded to emerging writer, Lauren Oertel for her poem: 'I Don't Think About Them'. We are thrilled that this poem was chosen as the overall winner as it sums up everything MONO. is about; getting under the skin of ordinary life even when it's uncomfortable, addressing societal taboos by being vulnerable and honest through writing and finding the hints of humour as you peel the layers back. Vivid, disturbing and moving in equal measure, this is a bold and accomplished poem by a name to watch out for...congratulations Lauren!
'I Don’t Think About Them'
I don’t think about the kids I gave up
except when my disease flares,
the disease I developed from the extreme stress
of the short time I was a parent
Except every time another friend of mine has a baby
and I’m terrified about the daily horrors
they’re gleefully signing up for,
I don’t know how to separate my experience
from what they envision parenting to be
My mind goes back to scrubbing the reeking accidents
out of the carpet from the youngest,
patching the holes in the walls
from the furniture thrown by the oldest,
the excruciating hours of screaming tantrums
until their throats were too raw to speak
of the gaping wounds of their histories,
what they’ve seen and what they had no choice
to do for survival
I don’t think about the kids I gave up
except when I see the swirls of pink Sharpie marker
that never came out
Except when I smell hot Cheetos and my stomach turns,
thinking of that big fight with the red powder-stained fingers
smearing the white wall
while I cleaned up the snack-speckled puke off the floor
Except when I hear a small child scream
and my heart races
while I scan for an exit,
my flight instinct kicking in
Except when I think of their parents
in and out of prison,
gutted by their separation from their babies,
this family being just one example
of the collateral damage
of the war on drugs